SONGS FROM THE LOVELORN 
{1}

I should not have come here. Screw me!

I look at the table on my right. Two men are involved in an animated discussion. One of them peers at the laptop before them and nods his head in agreement. The other one gives him a smile and sips his coffee. Turning back to my table I unlock the screen of my phone.

7.10pm

The digits scream out of the screen. Barely 6 minutes have passed since I last checked the time.

He will be here any minute.

I glance at the entrance of the coffee shop once more with a casual pretence. The twilight is fast merging into the darkness. Heavy clouds hang above the earth with a solid promise of rain. I continue to maintain a calm façade, though there is a storm raging within me. Immediately my two alter egos pop up their heads in my mind. Well, let me introduce you to Coward Me (CM) and Bold Me (BM). The two people who never miss a single opportunity to push me into an ocean of confusion. Today, they are having a field day!

BM: Stop being a sissy! You have to do it today. He has agreed to meet you here and you cannot back out now.

CM: What are you going to gain by telling him?
Hmmm… Good question! Let’s see what BM has to say. I am sure she has a cheeky reply.
BM: There is nothing to lose either!

CM: Nonsense! You will lose his friendship forever. He will never meet you again.

BM (sneering): Yeah right! As if now, you are spending every single evening with him.

CM (looks down): …

BM is about to break into a victory dance.

CM: Don’t forget that he still respects you. Do you want to lose that? You will leave no doubts in his mind that you are desperate!

BM: It is better than living with a lifelong regret. Don’t worry about what he might think or say. How can you be so certain about his reaction??

CM: You are being ridiculously optimistic. Don’t even dream about having him in your life…

BM: Bullshit! You don’t know him.

CM (calmly): Neither do you…

BM: Exactly! Let him make his decision. You don’t have to do it for him.
I agree. CM narrows her eyes calling me a traitor.

CM (throwing up her hands in frustration): You know I am right.

BM: And also stupid!

CM: Not as much as you!

BM: But obviously more than m—

Now, both of you SHUT UP! I have had enough of your pointless arguments. All you do is make my life hell!

There are tears already trickling down CM’s cheeks. BM crosses her arms and gives me a defiant look. For a moment I close my eyes and imprison them in the deep dungeons of my heart.

You both deserve it…

I let out a deep sigh and open my eyes. Concentrating on my breathing, I try to calm my mind. Unintentionally my eyes travel to the threshold. I let out an involuntary gasp.

There you are!

He steps inside, ruffling his hair. This is his usual practice before entering a place. I have never seen him use a comb. Basically, his short hair doesn’t need a comb. At a staggering height of 6 feet, everyone were forced to strain their neck while looking at him. He had worn a pair of jeans and his black jacket over a beige linen shirt.

I have forgotten to breathe!

He looks around and finds me within 10 seconds. He waves at me and walks towards my table. I flash a smile and wave back at him. Meanwhile I also work on breathing again. My superhuman efforts to stay calm are being washed away with his approaching footsteps.

It’s been close to 2 years since I first met you. Two years! It feels like yesterday.

He noiselessly pulls the chair and sits down in front of me. Quickly he slips out of his jacket and tosses it on the chair near him.

‘Hey Vasana,’ he says outstretching his hand. His deep voice sets alarm bells ringing in my heart. I don’t hesitate to shake his hand. His handshake is always firm and assertive. His self-confidence is easily transmitted through his hand. It feels nice to have his long fingers and hard palm wrapped around mine.

Me: Hi Suyash. How are you?

He: I am doing fine. How are you? Long time since we met.

Me: Yeah, to be precise six months. How is your start-up going on?

Yes, he always wanted to be an entrepreneur. He hates to work under anybody. He makes his own rules and breaks them every time.

He: Not quite as I expected. But I always knew it would be difficult. Anyway I love what I am doing, so no regrets (shrugging his shoulders).

I smile at his words. He doesn’t smile back. In fact, I have seen him smile only a couple of times. His brooding eyes more than compensate for his infrequent smile.

He: Have you ordered anything yet?

Me: No. Let’s go.

He orders for a Lemon Ice tea and I settle for a chocolate fudge. I don’t drink tea or coffee. Although I am about to pay, he insists on footing the bill. Once again we sit at our table. He places his hands on the table and surveys the coffee shop for a few seconds. As usual, his sleeves are rolled up and his shirt is untucked. I am staring at him when his eyes catch mine. My heartbeat picks up pace.

He: So tell me about yourself, Vasana. What have you been doing these days?

Me: I have joined a band called ‘Beats and Swaras’. We are working on an album and I have written three songs for them. And of course, I am also doing my MBA.

He (he raises his eyebrows in appreciation): Wow! That’s amazing. So when are you releasing that album?

Me: Next month. I want you to be there.

He: Of course, I will come. Just tell me the date and time.

See? He never hesitates to encourage me.

Me (smile): Once the date and venue are finalised I will let you know. We are still working on it.

By now, the waitress arrives with our order. She places the Lemon Ice tea and Chocolate fudge on the table with a polite smile on her face. He sips his tea while I take the first bite of my favourite fudge.

He: You should really try beer. I swear it tastes better than tea or coffee.

No, he is not joking. He is quite serious about what he is saying. I shake my head with an involuntary smile.

Me: I have not touched alcohol in my life and don’t intend to do so in future too.

He: You make boozing sound like a crime. You will have to grow up someday, kid.

He has done it again! Every time he calls me a “kid”, I have butterflies in my stomach. I have no qualms in agreeing that between the two of us, he is the mature one.

He: By the way, I met Pooja a few days ago.

Me: Really? How is she doing?

He: She is doing well. We could barely speak for 2 minutes. I was in a hurry.

You are always restless. I was shocked when you agreed to meet me!

He takes a couple of sips and fixes me with his enchanting gaze.

He: Why did you want to meet me, Vasana?

I always have a weakness for his voice. It’s deep and sounds as if his words are emanating not from his vocal cords but rather from some other mysterious world. Each time he utters my name, Vasana is born again.

BM (glaring at me): Focus!!!

I swallow hard and take a deep breath. Miraculously my heartbeat slows down and a strange tranquillity fills my mind. Calmly, I lock eyes with him. The universe around us no longer exists.

Me: I love you.

                                               To be continued...




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You and I, plus 2 years of marriage!

Image
When people say first year of marriage is hard, I tell them to live the second year in isolation with your spouse in a lockdown! First year of marriage was a breeze because of the pampering we received from both sets of parents. Later when career made us move to the capital of the country, we were literally on our own. Right from purchasing household items to getting them transported across cities, it was not easy. Finally, when we moved in to the house, which we made our home, the journey of challenges had only just begun. Although I was no stranger to cooking, I had never managed a house all on my own. For a woman, it can be quite daunting, terrifying indeed! Because it was no longer about my own hunger, there was another homo sapien who was equally hungry if not less. I remember the initial days when it was hard for me to manage office work and household chores. All my frustration unfortunately landed on my husband, who was already trying his best to cope with new set of responsibil...
Read more
Two Strangers… One Lockdown! {9} ‘I hope you like the coffee,’ said Ekaparnika with a smile. ‘It is perfect,’ I replied with a formal smile. Atharva had gone to buy groceries from the retail shop just outside the apartment complex. ‘How is your daughter doing?’ I asked just to know more about her family. ‘She is absolutely fine and very excited to have me around her for the past couple of days. Otherwise,  I don’t get to spend so much time with her.’ ‘Yeah… so who takes care of her in your absence?’ ‘Well, I stay with my mother and she is more than happy to keep her engaged throughout the day. In fact, my daughter does not miss me when her grandmother is around,’ she replied. She was indeed easy to talk to once I made up my mind to spend time with her. My day had begun with hectic workload and by the time it was evening, I was completely saturated. When I heard Ekaparnika’s voice in the living-room, I could no longer continue working. My curiosity ...
Read more

Episode 10 - The Paradise has a Heart

  ‘I travel a lot. My writing grows with each travel and it gets enhanced from all the experience that I gather,’ said Pradyuman coolly. ‘Well, then you might have to start looking for another job soon. Something which may not require you to travel. Otherwise your girlfriend will have other plans for future,’ he said with a snigger. Agnivesh took a jibe at Roja and it did not go down well with her. He was trying to portray as if she was not a very understanding girlfriend. Pradyuman was smart enough to understand his motive he was not going to gift silence to his adversary. ‘Oh you can be rest assured that it will not be required because she is extremely supportive of my career. And I have huge admiration for her work. Although we may be in different places, we are mature enough to handle long-distance relationship. Most of all, we trust each other completely,’ he said looking straight into Agnivesh’s eyes. ‘And the best thing about us is we don’t dictate decisions to each ...
Read more