You and I, plus 2 years of marriage!

CHASTE GANGES 

{5}

The trees bore a tired look. The temperature was a sweltering 34˚C. Nithyayuvani walked through the pathway lined with stone pillars on either side. Other than a few couples who did not mind the heat there were hardly any people in the Semmozhi Poonga. More people would start walking in after an hour or so. She had deliberately chosen this time because she knew the park would be almost empty. The previous night’s events did not let her mind rest in peace. The memory was so fresh that she could still smell his musky odour in the air. The taste of beer refused to leave her mouth. Or was it just her mind playing tricks on her senses? She found an empty wooden bench and sat down waiting for him.

What will I say?

Her mind drew blank on that question. She was certain that she had to confront him and the sooner, the better. Yet she was uncertain about how she would behave with him. There was anger for what he had done, yet there was also an unfathomable desire and affection for him somewhere in the corner of her heart. The worst part was that she was cognizant of the conflicting emotions in her mind. This weakened her resolve to hate him!

Ronav walked to into the park with a heavy heart. He had no doubt that she would detest him for last night. This evening would put an end to something that had grown strongly and spread its roots deep in his heart but was yet to even sprout in hers. He had no difficulty in finding her in that huge park. His conjecture was right and she was sitting on the same bench where they had had spent hours together on their previous visit to the park. There was a slight frown on her face and she was clutching her handbag in both her hands. He knew that gesture very well. She held onto things tightly whenever she was nervous. Once she had almost dig her nails into his arm while crossing a busy street. A sad smile puckered his lips. Suddenly she turned and found him staring at her. Instantly she stood up but her expression was cold. Her expression cut through his heart with a rusted sword.

I miss your sunshine smile…

Reluctantly Ronav walked up to her. Nithyayuvani watched him without averting her eyes. She noticed that he had worn a faded jeans and a striped polo T-shirt which fit him perfectly. His long legs moved with an apprehensive eagerness. His hair flipped in the light breeze. His thick eyelashes grazed his cheeks sensuously. Inadvertently her eyes rested on his lips which had outraged her modesty last night. The very memory of the kiss rushed blood to her face.

Stop ogling at him Nithya!!!

Condemned by her conscience she looked away from him. For the first time, she had paid such a keen attention to his appearance. Grudgingly she admitted that he was handsome and attractive. He did not speak to break the awkward silence between them.

‘You should not have crossed your limits…’ she said slowly. Ronav closed his eyes and clenched his fist. He was tongue-tied. His silence fanned the cinders of her anger.

‘You don’t even have the courtesy of apologizing.’

He looked up at her offended. She was misconstruing his silence.

‘I am sorry about last night.’

It was not the type of apology that she had expected. He sounded very formal, too distant. There was no personal touch to his words.

‘Was it an apology? Doesn’t look like you regret your action!’ she snapped. Ronav glared at her. The turmoil in his mind was gnawing at him.

‘I accept that my behaviour was not acceptable. But I certainly don’t regret kissing you!’

‘What!??’ she almost squealed at his words.

He ruffled his hair and let out a long drawn breath.

This is it! You are going to hate me.

‘I love you, Nithya,’ he said in his deep alluring voice. The trees still bore a tired look. The occasional breeze ceased to exist. Sky was blue with no sign of clouds. She could hear a couple of kids screaming with joy in the background. Nothing had changed, nothing remained the same. There was no feeling of relief or exhilaration in his heart. Although he expected her fury, he was bewildered to see a glint of yearning in her eyes.

‘Why? One kiss and you already love me?’ she asked him with acid in her words. His jaw dropped in shock.

‘I kissed you because I love you. Certainly not the other way round!’

He was hurt. Nithyayuvani could see the torment in his eyes. She should have kept aside her anger and taken a moment to understand his feelings. But her ego was crushed last night and today it was going to take its revenge in broad daylight.

‘I never even imagined that you would use love to defend your outrageous act. Shame on you. I have been such a fool to be deceived by your sweet talk. Now I know you!’

Ronav felt his heart being ripped apart. All he wanted to do was to bury his face in his hands and let those trapped tears flow. It was privilege that he did not possess.

‘I know, I have lost your trust. But you have no right to insult my love for you. I fell in love with you the day I saw you for the first time in the bookstore. The way you gazed at those books in longing, you had me right there. You were not just reading, you were making love… You are an amazing woman Nithyayuvani and I will never fall out of love with you. I am going to miss everything about you. I can’t give a name to what we shared. As long as it lasted, it was beautiful.’

With these words, Ronav walked away from her. He never looked back at her. She sat down on the bench when her legs suddenly became limp. There were more number of people in the park and the cool breeze blew over her. Very soon, the sun would call it a day. She had vented out her disgust at him, she was supposed to feel better. But her heart felt heavier than before. There was an unfathomable burden weighing her down. This evening had put an end to their bond but it did not liberate either of them. She continued to sit there unable to snub the hope that he might come back any moment. Unseen to her, tears escaped his eyes…

***

‘Stay…’ whispered Krishna. They were lying on his bed and staring up at the ceiling. Nihal turned with a smile and pulled him closer for a kiss.

‘Who said I am leaving?’

Once again they embraced each other and drowned in the bliss of their intimacy. Nihal’s phone started ringing and he frowned with irritation.

‘Damn! Spoilers,’ he swore. Krishna gave him a quick kiss and picked up his phone from the bedside table. His smile broadened looking at the name flashing on the screen.

‘Nilu is calling.’

Nihal immediately received the call but kept his free hand wrapped around Krishna’s shoulder.

‘Tell me Nilu… I have work tonight, I may not be coming home… what happened?... did she tell something to you?... dinner?... she must have had a bad day at work… did they have an argument?... since morning?... alright… you don’t ask her anything… don’t tell amma or appa… I will see if I can make it home tonight. Bye Nilu.’

He disconnected the call and his forehead was creased with worry.

‘What happened?’ asked Krishna concerned.

‘Nilu is worried about Nithya. She didn’t speak to anyone since she came home and sitting alone on the terrace. She refused to eat anything. Nilu said that she has been upset since morning.’

‘Maybe she is upset about something. I have seen women vex about mundane things,’ he said shrugging. Nihal smiled dryly shaking his head.

‘Not Nithya. Barely anyone has ever seen her being upset. She is a very strong girl. Something is not right and Nilu is worried. I guess I will have to talk to Nithya tomorrow,’ he said letting out a sigh. Krishna immediately sat up and switched on the lights in the room. He picked up Nihal’s shirt and handed it to him.

‘You are speaking to her tonight.’

Nihal stood up with a look of disapproval.

‘I think you asked me to stay just a few minutes ago,’ he protested.

‘Nithya needs you and you are leaving. Your night tomorrow is mine.’

He was still not convinced to leave. Krishna walked up to him embraced him warmly.

‘Baby, we love our family and Nithya will always be special for us. You have to go.’

‘Alright,’ agreed Nihal embracing him back tightly. A smile entered his face.

‘You know I love you right?’

‘Of course, my love,’ replied Krishna with a quiet satisfaction.

***

Nihal opened the terrace door and found Nithyayuvani sitting on the bench. The memory of the night when he had first revealed his secret to her, flooded his mind. It was barely a fortnight ago. He placed a hand on her shoulder, but she did not turn towards him. He could feel her body stiffen at his touch. Wordlessly he stood in front of her and placed his hand under her chin. When he lifted up her face, he was appalled. Her eyes had sunk deeper and her cheeks were stained with tears.

‘Nithya, why are you crying? What happened?’

She continued to sob but said nothing. He sat down next to her wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

‘Please don’t cry dear. Tell me what happened? Did someone hurt you?’

There was no reply from her.

‘What went wrong at the party last night? Nilu said that you are upset since morning.’

She pressed her eyes shut and more tears streamed down her face, now wetting his linen shirt.

‘Nithya, I cannot tolerate your tears. Whatever has happened, just tell it to me. I am always here for you,’ he said squeezing her shoulder gently. His mind was running wild with imagination about what must have transpired last night. He was certain that something very terrible must have happened.

‘Who hurt you?’ he asked her tenderly. Her breathing was disrupted by those ceaseless sobs.

‘I hurt him…’ she said at last.

‘Nithya… what happened?’

‘Please don’t ask me anything more anna. Just let me be.’

Nihal was perplexed. He had no idea whom was she speaking about, but he was not going to ask her anything more. He sat there rubbing her shoulders as she shed those last tears. Nithyayuvani had not realized what Ronav meant to her, until she had lost him.

Why am I crying for you? Do I love you?

She did not answer those questions. With those last tears, she was slowly letting his thoughts leave her mind. Somewhere in the comfort of her brother’s secure arms, she pulled herself together. Tomorrow was another day and she could afford to be vulnerable again.

There was life before him and there is life after him. But will I be the same?

She knew the answer but did not admit it. Some questions were better left unanswered…

                             To be continued...