You and I, plus 2 years of marriage!

When time stood still!

{3}

The smell of wet earth was everywhere around us. We were in the middle of a forest, on the way to see a hidden waterfall. It was our first trip as a couple and she had chosen this place. I was not much of a trekker but she frequently went in the quest of unexplored destinations. Asmi hated crowded tourist spots. That day we had already completed an hour of trekking through the lush green forest. We could hear the roar of the cascading waterfall. I had stopped to drink some water from a small stream trickling down the rocks. After gulping down a handful of water, I washed my sweaty face. The cool water was refreshing. That is when I caught her staring at me without even batting her eyelids. The look in her eyes set me on fire instantly. She left her backpack on the grass and slowly walked towards me. I wanted to rush towards her and grab her but I stood rooted to the spot. She came so close to me that my senses were overpowered by the intoxicating scent of her sweat. My feet were immersed in the cold water but I could feel the heat emanating from my body. Her slender fingers traced the outline of my parted lips. My arms circled around her waist out of their own volition. I wanted to crush my lips on hers, yet I waited. I waited for her to kiss me. She took her own sweet time and every moment that I spent waiting for her lips was worth a lifetime. Our eyes met briefly before resting on the lips which had stolen our hearts. At last, our lips met like the rain kissing parched earth. My heart was pounding inside my chest. All I could feel and taste was Asmi. I did not realize for how long we had been kissing because I had lost all sense of time. We no longer existed in this world as long as our lips were locked. I had fantasized about our first kiss ever since I had seen her but I was certainly not prepared for this. It was an experience that felt so ethereal that it really took me a while to realize that it was indeed not one of my wild dreams. When we broke the kiss, I felt as if someone had just snatched away my life. Without even opening my eyes, I had pulled her in for a second kiss. Her lips felt as soft as rose petals. They were immensely addictive and I lost count of the kisses we shared all along that day…

Sitting before her, my mind still remembered the softness of her lips that I had felt for the first time. She looked elegant in her grey cotton sari and matching silver jhumkas. Her curly hair was tied up in a bun leaving her long neck exposed. I could almost imagine the love bite that had adorned her neck as a result of our passionate union. When I had knocked on the door of her flat, her flatmate Reshma opened the door. She let me inside without her usual smile. Asmi walked into the living room a minute later. Wordlessly, Reshma left us alone and went into the bedroom. Her kohl rimmed eyes glanced around us before meeting my gaze. I could not lock eyes with her for more than even a couple of seconds. Guilt and unbound love overwhelmed me.

‘Why have you come here, Rudra?’ she asked in her crystal clear voice.

‘Asmi… I am sorry. I am really very sorry for my behaviour. I promise that I will never hurt you again. Please forgive me,’ I beseeched her.

She let out a long drawn breath.

‘Do you even realize that this is not the first time that you are saying this to me?’

Closing my eyes, I nodded my head. She was right. I had spoken the same words every time I had hurt her in the past. Only this time, I truly meant them.

‘I cannot travel again on that path of pain. It took me a long time and a lot of strength to make this decision. There is no going back…’ she said blinking away the tears that had welled up in her eyes.

The dull pain in my chest began to burn with a vengeance. She had thrust a dagger through my already wounded heart. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I wanted to scream that I loved her till I lost my voice.

‘Please Asmi… give me one last chance. I will never again take you for granted. All the fights we had in the last few weeks were because of me. I was so frustrated and stressed with my work that I simply vented it out on you. It was really stupid of me-’

She raised her hand to cut me short.

‘Rudra, do not give me the excuse of being stressed in life. Who isn’t frustrated? Everyone has their own share of problems, but we should learn to face them. Just because I don’t vent out my frustration on you doesn’t mean that I am not stressed. It is certainly not a reason for you to use me like a punching bag,’ she said as her eyes blazed with anger and pain.

‘I agree that it was all my fault. What should I do to make things right? Please Asmi… punish me as you wish. But I cannot live without you. I don’t want to lose you, my love…,’ I said in a defeated tone.

Beyond this, I did not know what else to tell her. My poor heart was at her mercy.

‘It takes a lot of courage to live with a broken heart, Rudra. You broke my heart a lot many times and every single time, I put back the pieces convincing myself that it will not repeat again. Now, all that is left are broken shards of my heart. I don’t want to hate you but if we continue to be together, I am scared that I might just end up hating you.’

A tear slid down her cheek.

‘Asmi… please don’t do this to me. I cannot leave you…’

My voice sounded very distant to me.

‘Rudra, you don’t know what you want from life. You are fighting a battle with your own self and you are losing it. This struggle killed our relationship… Don’t you think I deserve better? I too have a life, please let me live it,’ she said as her voice quivered.

The next moment, she stood up and wiped the lone tear on her cheek.

‘Thank you for everything. Goodbye Rudra,’ she said with a firm conviction.

Breath was knocked out of me when she turned and walked away from me. I sat there lifeless watching her go out of my sight. In a daze, I stood up and left her house. My entire being had gone numb unable to feel anything. Maybe this was what it meant to be dead… no, this was even worse!

             To be continued...