You and I, plus 2 years of marriage!

Two Strangers… One Lockdown!

{16}

Atharva stood there with his damp hair and smouldering looks. He was fresh from the shower and I could almost smell sandalwood fragrance of the soap he always used. An involuntary smile entered my face. Suddenly the butterflies were back in my stomach and I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. I lowered my eyes and turned away from him. Shyness washed over me as he approached. He stood in front of me with one of his hands holding the chain of the swing.

‘Hey Sharini…’ he called out softly.

‘Hi Atharva,’ I said, still not looking up at him. He paused for a moment and then started speaking again.

‘When you asked me if we could start all over again, I was shocked. I never really thought that you could even imagine of getting back with me. Your words raised a lot of questions inside me and I gave a lot of thought to answer those questions. I might not have found answers to all of them but at least they certainly helped me make my decision about our future.’

Unable to bear the suspense, I looked up at him. His fingers were tightly clenched around the chain and his face was framed with unpredictable intensity.

‘I am sorry, Sharini. We cannot start all over again because too much water has gone under the bridge.’

First, I let his words reach me and then the heartbreak followed. There were so many things that I wanted to ask him but the words did not escape my lips. I averted my eyes and looked away from him. He did not have to see the heartbreak in my eyes.

‘Are you sure that we cannot give our relationship a second chance? One last chance?’ I asked meekly.

‘Second chances are not given to withered flowers. We both had used up all our chances well before our divorce.’

I took a few deep breaths to not let my tears escape my eyes. I did not want to display my vulnerability. He knelt down in front of me and held my hand gently.

‘Sharini, please forgive me. I always thought that you would never be able to forgive me for slapping you, yet I longed to beg for your forgiveness. When you asked me if we could start all over again, I understood that you had forgiven me. It indeed released me from my prison of guilt but that is not enough. If I go back to living with you as your husband, the memories of that horrendous day will haunt me every day for the rest of our lives. When I hold your cheeks again in my hands, those memories will mercilessly prick my conscience every single time. I cannot live with that and it will once again ruin our lives.’

Although I was struggling to keep myself composed, I heard each and every word that he spoke. I wanted to hate him for rejecting my proposal but then my mind could not let is words go unaccepted. A part of me, the part that I now hated, was indeed empathising with him.

‘But these are not the only reasons for my refusal. There is something more important that I want you to know,’ he said letting out a deep breath.

He looked into my tear-filled eyes.

‘I am in love with another woman. And I cannot imagine sharing my life with anyone other than her.’

The held back tears spilt onto my cheeks. He had confirmed my worst fears.

‘Is Ekaparnika that woman?’ I asked in an unwavering voice.

‘Yes,’ he said unsurprised by my correct guess. After all, he was aware that I knew him enough.

‘Have you confessed your love to her?’

‘I did, but she ran away from me without saying anything. After that day, she neither saw me nor spoke to me,’ he said shaking his head.

Closing my eyes, I let the rest of the tears leave my eyes. The next moment, I could feel his hand gently wipe away my tears.

‘I am sorry that I hurt you again. I tried my best to convince myself that we both could start a new life together but then I simply could not even imagine replacing Eka. The three days that I have spent without her were probably the most difficult days of my life. If you are seeing a new Atharva in front of you, it is because of her. She taught me how to truly love myself and it is the same love that I have for her. It really killed me to see her go away from me,’ he said in a voice saturated with pain.

After a few moments, I opened my eyes. He was still looking at me with his sad eyes. Slowly, I moved my hand to his head and ruffled his soft hair.

‘I hope that at least this time, you have found true love. Thank you for not making one more compromise in your life.’

I bent down and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. I don’t know why I did that but then I could not stop myself from doing it. The next moment I let go of his hand and moved away from him. Quickly, I walked to the bedroom and locked myself inside it. Copious tears streamed down my face. After a few moments I heard someone knocking on my door.

‘Sharini, Sharini please open the door,’ he said in a concerned voice.

‘Atharva, please leave me alone for some time. Don’t worry, I will be fine,’ I said trying to keep my voice as firm as possible.

After a couple of moments, I heard his soft footsteps walk away. I laid down on the floor in a foetal position and let my tears flow in silence.

****

The cab had arrived at 9.20 AM, early by 10 minutes. The driver called me when he reached the gate of the apartment. My bags were already packed and I took one final look around the room. When I opened the door, Atharva was sitting on the sofa watching TV. He instantly switched it off and turned around when he heard the door open. As he stood up, his eyes fell on my luggage.

‘What is this Sharini? Where are you going?’

‘My manager was successful in finding accommodation for me. There is a vacant room in my company’s guesthouse and he said that I could stay there. Don’t worry, we have in-house cooks and servants to take care of us. Once the situation gets better, I will fly back to Mumbai,’ I said as a matter of fact.

I was about to pick up my bag when he quickly walked up to me.

‘Sharini, you can stay here as long as you want to. Your father also felt that you would be safe here. The situation has still not improved with regard to the COVID-19 pandemic. Then why are you leaving? Is it because of what I told you yesterday? Please Sharini, listen to me. You don’t have to do this.’

‘I have to, Atharva. I don’t think I have the strength anymore to continue staying with you in the same house. It is indeed suffocating. Please let me go,’ I said unable to meet his eyes.

Right then, the door-bell rang. He opened the door and there was a man standing with a mask on his face.

‘Good morning madam. I am Peter, your company’s driver.’

‘Good morning Peter. Thank you for coming. Please take my luggage to the car,’ I said pointing to my bags.

Except my handbag, he took my luggage out of the flat. I turned to face Atharva and extended my hand.

‘Thank you for everything Atharva. I will never forget these few days that I spent with you. Good luck with your future.’

‘I hope that you find all the happiness that you deserve Sharini. I was never the person for you. And I will always be sorry for hurting you,’ he said earnestly and shook my hand.

When I reached the door, he was still following me. I turned around to face him one last time.

‘Atharva, let us part ways right here,’ I said urgently.

‘Let me at least come till the car to send you off,’ he insisted.

‘Please understand. It is really hard to say goodbye once, I cannot really do it twice.’

He stood in his path and did not keep another step forward. We both locked eyes for a moment.

‘Take care and goodbye,’ he said at last.

‘You too.’

That was all I could manage to say. I turned around and walked away from him as fast as I could. I pulled out my mask which covered my nose and mouth. I wish there was also a mask to cover my eyes. Tears trickled down my cheeks, unmasking the the pain in my heart.

****

Atharva was serving dinner onto his plate when he heard the door-bell ring. He looked up at the wall clock  in the living-room. It was almost half-past nine. He barely had any visitors at that time except one person. His heart was racing when he opened the door. Ekaparnika was standing there draped in a lime yellow cotton saree. Her hair was tied up into a bun and her terracotta jhumkas lightly grazed her cheeks.

‘Eka…’ he called out slowly unable to believe his own eyes.

She walked inside while he closed the door. Without speaking another word, she walked onto the balcony. He quietly followed her. Her back was turned towards him and she was gazing at the sky. The saree outlined her beautiful curves and he could feel a surge of desire course through his veins. He sighed cursing his misfortune of not having her in his arms right at that moment. She did not speak anything for a few minutes and he did not attempt to break the silence. He was content in admiring her presence in front of him.

‘I saw Sharini leave the apartment today morning. What happened?’ she asked straight away.

‘She asked me if we could start all over again and giver our relationship another chance. But I said that it was impossible because the memory of that dreadful day would kill me in guilt. Most importantly, I told her that I was in love with another woman. She said that she could not stay with me after knowing all this. Today morning she moved to her company guesthouse and then she will fly to Mumbai once the lockdown is over,’ he said.

He was waiting with bated breath to hear what she would say next. But she kept quiet for a few more minutes.

‘Did you reject her because of me?’ she asked softly.

He moved closer to her and stood in front of her. He placed his finger under her chin and gently lifted her face to lock eyes with her.

‘I rejected her proposal because now I know the difference between compromise and love. If I had accepted her it would have only been a compromise with life but it would have given happiness to neither of us. What I have for you is true love! Once a man has tasted true love, he will not settle for anything less than that,’ he said passionately.

Ekaparnika could feel her resolve slowly melt like wax under his intense gaze. She held his hand.

‘That day I ran away from you because I did know what to do. I was not used to receiving love from a man and it terrified me. My body, heart and soul are bruised with abuse and violence. They don’t know how to react to the soothing touch of love. I am scared Atharva.’

Her voice quivered as she spoke the last words. He took her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes.

‘Why are you scared?’

‘I am scared to fall in love. I have sacrificed a lot to become what I am today. I have to be strong and bold for my daughter. But I don’t think I will ever be able to survive another heartbreak.’

‘Who said that I will break your heart? I want to keep it with me forever, safe and sound. I can understand that it is not easy for you to trust men but all I can say is please give me one chance.’

She closed her eyes and a tear slipped out of it. He gently wiped it away.

‘Take your time, Eka. There is no hurry and we have all the time in this world. I will wait for the day when you can trust me completely and accept me wholeheartedly. Until then, let us continue to be friends, please,’ he implored her.

She opened her eyes and saw the genuineness of his words burning in his eyes. No woman on earth could have refused a man like him. She nodded her head with a slight smile.

‘Please don’t ever make me regret this decision. Staying away from you for these three days was so terrible,’ she said.

‘These three days nearly killed me,’ he said placing his forehead on hers.

He bent down and kissed her forehead. He was tempted to kiss her lips but he knew that he had to take it slow with her. On a second thought, he bent down and kissed the scar on her cheek. It was a gesture to show that he accepted her completely, including her dreadful past. Somewhere it gave her hope that she would be able to put her past behind her and indeed look forward in life.

‘I am glad that I met you,’ she said with a smile.

‘And you are the only woman who could inspire life in me,’ he said in his deep voice.

Ekaparnika rested her head on his chest while his hands protectively wrapped around her. The fragrance of just bloomed jasmine filled the air. The two wounded hearts had finally found a peaceful abode.

The End

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