Two Strangers… One Lockdown!
{15}

‘What!?’
‘You heard me and I meant every single word of what I just said.’

My heart was pounding in my chest but I tried to maintain a poker face. I did not want to give away all my emotions at once. I was not yet ready to lay bare my feelings at the doorstep of his heart. We had to go step by step. There was a lot of undoing of the past to be done. I began counting the seconds as he continued to come to terms of the changing equation between us.

1, 2, 3, 4,….. 28, 29, 30, 31,…. 74, 76, 77,….. 121, 122, 124.

Finally, after two whole minutes, he looked up at me. All that I could see on his face was only confusion.

‘Sharini, I did not expect that we would ever be having this conversation. This is too sudden for me to say anything. Please give me some time and then we can talk about it.’

The breath that I was holding, slowly escaped my chest. It was not a bad response. It was way better than what I had expected. This showed that he was willing to consider. After all, we may still have a second chance.

‘I’ll be waiting,’ I said and moved away from him.

It was better if I gave him some time to think about us. But my gut feeling was that things would turn out to be good between us. Maybe my father also must have thought the same when he decided to make me stay with Atharva during this lockdown. All we needed was some alone time together to understand each other better.

****

After Sharini went away, Atharva spent a lot of time thinking about what she had said. But his mind was too exhausted to come to any decision. He had two completely different experiences from the two women in his life. One had ruled over his heart in the past and the other in the present. He could barely sleep that night. The next day he kept glancing at the door every now and then expecting Ekaparnika to walk in any moment. It had already been two days since he had last seen her. He was desperate to go down to her home and meet her immediately but he had to rein in his emotions. It was not right to get her mother and daughter involved in this without knowing what was actually running on her mind. Her silence was driving him crazy.

On the other hand, he had begun to see Sharini in a new light ever since she had spoken about giving their relationship a second chance. Initially, he thought it was really absurd because even in his dreams he had not thought that she could ever get back with him. Maybe after actually understanding his real problems, she might have felt that their divorce was a hasty decision. She smiled at him the next day and they had very minimal conversation. Yet he could notice the small gestures that showed she had begun to care for him. He had still not given her an answer. In his mind, he kept postponing the thought that he had to give her a reply. He could not leave her hanging in the dark without an answer. It was cruel and he knew it. After dinner, she helped him with the dishes and then retired to the bedroom. Finally, he went out onto the balcony and sat down on the swing. It was a quiet night and he was left all alone. A lonely night was the best time to let your thoughts flow with the wind.
Atharva went back to the day when he married Sharini. She had looked very beautiful in her wedding attire. Her parents and his mother were extremely happy and he still remembered that his mother had shed some tears remembering his father. Sharini was a nice girl and their marriage had begun with the blessings and best wishes from both their families. But then slowly, they became slaves to their careers. From being a happy couple, they had transformed into two over ambitious individuals. Very soon, his mind went to the day when he had slapped her. He could still vividly remember that day and her teary eyes filled with anger and pain, haunted him for a long time. And he had finally found peace only after he apologised to her a few days ago. But all this was now past, he had to accept the present and face the future.

What do I do now? I confessed my feelings to Eka but she ran away from me. I don’t know if she will ever be able to truly understand me or accept me. But here was Sharini, who was willing to give our marriage a second chance and have a new beginning with me. Maybe she had forgiven me otherwise she would not have suggested this. What more could I ask for? Was this also Bhavesh uncle’s intention when he requested me to let Sharini stay in my house during the lockdown? No… I don’t think so. He asked for that favour because he felt that she would be safe with me. But would he now accept if we wanted to remarry? He may agree or he may not. Or he might just leave to us to decide. She took a bold step and came forward with her intention. Yet I am unable to decide anything. The woman who had captured my heart, was not ready to accept me. I don’t even know if she will come back to me. Firstly, was I right in expressing my feelings for Eka? She was my good friend and after a long time, she had begun to trust a man. Did I ruin it by expressing my love for her?

Was Sharini right in asking for a second chance? Do we still have a chance? I am a changed person now and time has changed her too. Maybe we both would make a better couple now? Was it destiny that we both had to be locked down together in a house to actually understand each other? Life would have been much different if we both had this understanding at the beginning of our marriage. We made mistakes, a lot of them and now maybe the time was right for us to have a new beginning.

Yet… my heart longed to hear Eka’s voice. The two days without her was indeed torturing me. But what does she feel about me? Maybe I was nothing more than just a good friend to her. After all the ordeal that she had been through, she must hate men. Especially those men who abused their wives. In the eyes of law, wasn’t I also one of them? Then how can I expect her to come back to me. She would never forgive me for what I had done to Sharini. What do I do now? Should I let go of Sharini because I have feelings for Eka? Or should I forget Eka and accept that Sharini was indeed my destiny for life?

Unable to answer his own questions, he closed his eyes and let the night breeze caress his face. Somewhere in the distance he could hear some dogs barking. He had barely slept the previous night and his eyelids grew heavy with sleep. Slowly, he leaned on the chain supporting the swing and fell asleep. After a few minutes, his head slid away from the support and suddenly he was jerked from his brief sleep. For a moment, he did not realise where he was. Then he rubbed his eyes and let out a long yawn. That was when the fragrance of just bloomed jasmine, kissed his nose. He inhaled a deep breath and touched one of the pristine white flowers. He brought it closer to his nose and inhaled more deeply. If heaven had a fragrance, it would certainly smell like jasmine. When he was looking at the fresh flowers, his eyes also fell on the dried jasmine which was still sticking to one of the stems. He plucked it and let it fall down. The dried flower somehow hindered the beauty of the fresh flowers. And right at that moment, he had an answer for all his never ending questions. Once again, he closed his eyes and took one long breath of the fragrance. When he stood up from the swing, he had already made up his mind.

***

It was a Sunday, yet I could not sleep for long. I woke up early at 6.30 AM and bathed in cold water. It felt good on a summer morning. I wore my peach kurta and let my wet hair fall over my left shoulder. Ever since, I had spoken to Atharva about starting all over again, I was very excited. I could almost feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw him. One whole day had passed ever since he told me that he needed time to think. I was really not expecting an immediate answer from him. It was nice to be in this period of suspense and excitement. I felt like a teenager. When I slowly, opened the door, he was still sleeping on the sofa in the living-room. He was lightly snoring and his face looked adorably innocent when he was sleeping. A smile entered my lips, as I remembered the mornings when I would kiss him on his lips while he was asleep. For me, it was extremely romantic and some days it would wake him up and he would pull me into a tight hug for more kisses. My cheeks got hot and I was glad that he was not awake to see me blushing now. If things went as per my wish, then those lovely mornings would be back in our lives.

Slowly, I tiptoed and opened the door of the balcony. I stepped out and then slowly closed the door behind me. It closed with a soft click but it was not loud enough to wake him up. The sun was slowly rising up in the sky and like me, the sky was blushing too. I sat down on the swing and gave it gentle push with the tip of my toes. It began to rock slowly. I felt an immense sense of peace inside my heart. No laptop, no meetings, no calls, no deliverables, no worries about the next project. But I knew very well that by the time I reached Sunday evening, all these thoughts would be back on my mind. Today was different, it was not like any other Sunday. It was the first Sunday after I had fallen in love all over again. I could not wait to go back into the house and look at Atharva. I would have probably spent around half an hour blissfully thinking about our future, when I heard the door open. Instantly, I turned around.

To be continued...

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