You and I, plus 2 years of marriage!

Two Strangers… One Lockdown!

{10}

‘The next day, I could not even walk properly. After he went to office, I called up my mother and told her that I could no longer live with my husband. When I narrated the previous night’s horror, tears streamed down my mother’s face. But do you know what she told after listening to my ordeal?’ she asked slowly.

All I could do was, shake my head. It felt as if I had lost my voice.

‘She only said, husbands are like that and we should adjust. That is when the realisation hit me that my mother too would have undergone something similar or maybe even worse. I just could not bring myself to accept the fact that my mother was raped by my own father and she still continued to live with him. We both could not leave our husbands because we were dependent on them. How would we survive even if we left the house? Moreover, if I leave my husband, my father would not spare my mother. He would certainly punish her for this. I spent days trying to find a way out but nothing ever seemed like it would work. And the biggest mistake that I did was to quit working after my marriage. If I was still working, I would not have put up with him for so long. As days passed, his torture only increased. He had found another reason to abuse me, my inability to give him a son. I love kids but I really did not want to have a child with him. For more than two years, I did not conceive…’ she said letting out a sigh.

Her last words pricked my conscience. I too had not conceived because Atharva and I had made a conscious decision to postpone having kids. We obviously had other priorities. Priorities which led to our divorce. I could not say anything while Ekaparnika was speaking. I only wanted to hear her out completely and probably that was what she also needed. A non-judgemental listener.

‘Then finally, I tested positive for pregnancy. That was probably the best day of my life until then. Surprisingly, Bharat was overjoyed too. For a day, I almost believed that maybe this child would change him. Maybe he would stop abusing me. Maybe we could try and be like all other happy couples around us. Maybe… But I was proven wrong the very next day. He was adamant on knowing the gender of my baby. Through some of his shady contacts he got in touch with a diagnostic centre where they illegally disclosed the sex of an unborn child.  I could not protest against it because my mind was still holding on to the hope that he would change if he confirmed that it was a son. But what if it was a daughter? I shuddered to even think about it! My hopes were crashed the moment the scan revealed that it was a girl. Very coolly, he sought an appointment with the doctor for an abortion. I was terrified but I kept quiet until we reached home. All along the way, I clutched my abdomen as if my baby would be killed the moment, I moved my hand away from her. That night, I slowly tried to convince him that he let me keep the baby. Our argument led to him slapping me again. When I still did not budge from my decision, he hit me so hard that my head banged the kitchen shelf. The knife kept on the shelf cut through my skin and that is how I got this scar,’ she said pointing to the scar on the right side of her face.

The scar was still very much evident on her face. I could almost feel the pain and smell blood when I now looked at it.

‘When I regained conscious, I was in a small clinic with my wound bandaged. He had told the doctor that I had slipped in the kitchen and the knife accidently cut through my skin. By the time we reached home that night, I had made up my mind. I could no longer stay with him. If I continued to stay, then my daughter would not survive. Even she did survive, she might just end up being like me and my mother. And I did not want that. I waited until he fell asleep and then slowly sneaked out of the house with only my mobile phone. I did not know anyone in Bengaluru but then my Kannada professor who had taught me in high school and pre-university had moved to Bengaluru a few years ago. I still had his mobile number because he kept in touch with me and he would often share articles and suggest good novels for me to read. He was the only person I could think of at that hour. I walked nearly two kilometres away from home and called my professor. He was shocked to hear my voice but then he reached my location in half an hour along with his wife. They gave me shelter and probably that was the first night in years when I actually slept without fear. I contacted my mother in Mysuru and with the help of my professor and friends, we rescued her also and brought her to Bengaluru. My husband and father were too egoistic to admit that we had left them. They created stories that I had an illicit affair and eloped with my secret lover while my mother left the house to shamelessly support me. For a few months, we stayed with my professor’s family and later he convinced me to join his theatre troupe. I had enacted in a few plays during my pre-university days but then never considered it as a career. I wanted to be independent and theatre gave me that opportunity. Slowly, I began to write and my stories became a channel to vent out all my pain. It was therapeutic and people began to relate to my stories. It did not take me long to build a career and support myself along with my mother.’

A smile slowly appeared on her face. It was the smile of a self-mad woman who fought against the world which tried to destroy her.

‘I filed for divorce but it was not easy because he refused to give me divorce. He derived a sadistic pleasure in making me suffer but I did not lose heart. Although I pressed domestic violence charges against him, his lawyers were efficient enough to disprove me. And what would have happened even if the charges were proved? He would be jailed only for a maximum of twelve months. And the most ridiculous thing is, marital rape is not even an offence in India! A wife is presumed to have given consent to have sex with her husband every single time. Unless of course she is less than 15 years of age! Bullshit! I could do nothing to punish him but then I was not going to let him have any right over my daughter. It was a prolonged legal battle but finally, I dropped the domestic violence charges in return of not giving him visiting rights to see my daughter. I don’t want him anywhere close to Bhuvi ever…’

She let out a long-drawn breath and once again drank some water. The tension of recollecting her past, slowly left her face and the sunny smile was back on her face. Now I understood why Atharva held her in such high regard. This woman had been a victim of cruel domestic violence and then later built her life brick by brick. She was a self-made woman and I could feel the surge of admiration and respect for her rise in my heart.

‘A very long story… isn’t it?’ she asked playfully.

‘Yes, but I cannot even imagine what I would have done if I was in your position,’ I said shaking my head.

‘Well, we already know what you did. You walked out at the very first slap.’

Guilt and regret swept over me in one swift movement. She must be thinking how stupid I am to leave my husband for just one slap. After all, Atharva could never be the monster that Bharat was.  

‘You must be thinking that I am really stupid for having left Atharva for just one slap,’ I said unable to meet her eyes.

‘No. Definitely, you were not stupid. You did the right thing and that is why it stopped with one slap for you. I wish I had your courage to walk out of my marriage at the very first slap. Even if it is just one slap, it is abuse. It is wrong! And I told Atharva that he would never be forgiven for that deed.’

I was surprised to hear her words. For all that she told me about herself, I thought she would favour Atharva but she stood by me. She stood against domestic violence no matter how big or small the deed was.

‘Thank you for understanding me, Eka. This really means a lot to me,’ I said looking into her eyes.

‘But I really wish you had understood Atharva and the problems that he was facing during months before that unfortunate day. Your husband did not slap you with the intention of abuse, Sharini. The reason was much deeper than that but you simply failed to notice it.’

I was dumbfounded. Her words tore through my conscience.

What was it Atharva?

To be continued...